Why I’m No Longer Proud To Be A Job Hopper
I used to brag about being a job hopper. Wore it as a badge of honor. I used to justify the fact that I’ve never been at a job for more than 2 years by saying “I’m exploring different career options” or “I had no tolerance for toxic work environments.” I used to smile to myself when articles that talked about the benefits of job-hopping showed up in my feed on LinkedIn.
But here’s the truth; what was lurking beneath the surface the whole time and I just didn’t want to see it. I didn’t stay at jobs very long because it was hard and, being a privileged cis-gendered, heterosexual white male, I hadn’t built up any resilience to deal with tough situations.
I came to this realization during a workshop I attended and the host said: “Privilege decreases resilience. Adversity increases it.” It floored me. All of a sudden, my entire life flashed before my eyes. I kept searching for memories of when I had encountered adversity. And true adversity, not privileged-based adversity like being a student-athlete at a private college or being fired from a job unexpectedly.
It doesn’t help that the definition for adversity is hopelessly vague: “difficulties; misfortune.” I mean, EVERYONE has difficulties and misfortunes. It’s a fact of life. But certainly there are different levels of severity when it comes to adversity. Obviously experiencing discrimination and disenfranchisement your whole life due to the color of your skin is a much different degree of adversity than, say, the one time someone yelled at me at work. It’s a whole different ballgame. It’s not even the same sport.
The simple fact is that my life has been very easy. I grew up in a predominantly white small town, where I could run free as a child and learn whitewashed history about my ancestors in history class. Police smiled and waved at me, a college education was a given and I was told I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up…and I believed it.
After college, I had no problems getting jobs, even if my previous stints were short. I used to think that I was good at interviewing and resume writing. And maybe I was, but that was more due to my privileged identity and positive reinforcement. After all, white men are more likely to even get a job interview than women and white-sounding names are more likely to get callbacks than Black-sounding names. Over time, I developed over-confidence because I thought liked me because of my skills and abilities, but it was actually more due to their unconscious bias.
When I did get a job, it didn’t take me long to notice the challenges of my work and the culture. I guess I expected things to come easily like they had my entire life. I expected managers to give me the green light on my ideas right away, for problems in the organization to get fixed instantly or promotions to come my way within the first few years. People threw me off too. There were even some co-workers who didn’t like me. Gasp. Imagine that! Who wouldn’t like me! I’ve been liked by everyone my whole life.
Instead of facing this adversity head-on, I immediately wanted to run away from them. Posturing as a morally superior person with high integrity to my values, I would smugly slide my letter of resignation across the desk to my boss. It was always really short and concise in a melodramatic way. I didn’t want to give my bosses the satisfaction of knowing why I was really leaving. But the irony is that at the time, I myself didn’t know exactly why I was leaving.
But I know now. I left because I was fragile. Things were hard and I couldn’t take it. I wanted out. I was stuck in the freeze stress response but didn’t want to admit it. In fact, I was even in that space when I started a new job. I always had one foot out the door, ready to run from adversity. I always wanted the greener grass because that was the type of grass I’ve always had on my lawn of life (ok SUPER cheesy analogy but I had to).
It always baffled me why some people would stay so long at jobs, especially when they were toxic work environments. Many times they were people of color who were experiencing ongoing discrimination and enduring white supremacy culture. All I can think was “how could you not leave?!” Well, they don’t have the privilege of leaving like I do. Because leaving means they would have to go through the process of job searching, sending in resumes and interviewing — all of which are deeply embedded with bias and discrimination. And, I can only assume, since they have faced adversity their whole lives, they had built up the resilience to endure challenging situations. And it’s not just resilience that they had built during their lives, it’s resilience that has been passed down for generations across over 400 years. As Resmaa Menakem says, it’s only just recently that Black folks have even been able to feel fully human.
So what’s the lesson here? Well, I’m not going to shame myself for having a privileged life nor shame my parents for providing me with such a great childhood. That doesn’t do any good to anyone and it just further centers my feelings. Plus, the upbringing I had was one that I wish everyone could have — a safe and supportive community with endless opportunities to lead a good life.
No, the solution isn’t just to stew in guilt. It’s to ask the question: “what does this mean for me moving forward?” I’m still grappling with that question, but here’s what I know. I will no longer resist difficulties and misfortunes. If the phrase “adversity increases resilience” is true — and I believe it is — then I will embrace and engage with adversity when it comes my way. I will find ways for it to be an ally, not an enemy. A teacher, not an oppressor. When I start to feel uncomfortable, frustrated or fed up, I will sit with those feelings and ask with curiosity: “What is this experience teaching me? How can I access the resilience I know that I already have?”
What I’m also learning is that safety is not always good things. Many times there is little to learn or opportunities to grow when things are comfortable. Does that mean that will welcome adversity? Do we put ourselves in dangerous or challenging situations? Of course not. But there will always be times when adversity comes our way. And it is in that moment when we have a choice: will we face it head-on or will we run from it.
In other words, I’m no longer proud to be a job hopper. Has job-hopping helped me learn more about my career interests? Yes. Has it led me to where I am now, as an entrepreneur? Probably. But along the way, I missed out on so many opportunities to find my power and strength in challenging situations. As Maya Angelou says: “Stand up straight and realize who you are, that you tower over your circumstances.” Moving forward, I will rise up — not shrink away — when adversity comes my way.
